


april's day

by Masian (salable_mystic)



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-25
Updated: 2005-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 01:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salable_mystic/pseuds/Masian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a night together. insecurities. love. (I suck at these!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	april's day

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I know RPF if weird like that, but this story is not actually supposed to portray real people in real situations, for I am making no claims to knowing anything about these people (I don't!). No money is being made, no harm intended. All in good fun and all that.
> 
> Author's notes: first fic ever. But we all have to start some time, don't we?
> 
> The title is based on the line "but april's day transcends november's year" from e.e.cumming's poem "unlove's the heavenless hell".

Viggo blinked into the darkness, taking a moment to orient himself. It was still dark outside and listening into the darkness both the house and the night outside were quiet, so there seemed to be nothing and no-one roaming about that could have caused him to wake up.

He had just about decided that he must have been awakened by a passing car or something and to sink back into the pillows and try to sleep again, when he heard a soft moan coming from his bed companion.

Viggo turned around carefully, wanting to see what was wrong yet unwilling to wake his partner up in case it was only a passing irritation in his sleep – Orlando needed his sleep – he’d had some long hours on set and the dark circles he had come to spot under his eyes gave testament to the fact that he didn’t seem to be sleeping too much – or too well.

Orlando was lying on his side, facing away from Viggo, legs drawn up into a foetal position, hands clenched into the blanket tucked under his chin, and – from what Viggo was able to make out in the light that filtered in from the streetlamp outside – frowning in his sleep. A quick glance at the glowing display on the clock on Orlando's side of the bed revealed it to be just past 4am in the morning. As Viggo watched, Orlando’s frown deepened and he tucked the blankets under his chin tighter still. Something that almost sounded like a sob came from Orlando and that clinched it for Viggo – he’d much rather risk waking his lover up than have him suffer through a nightmare on one of their rare nights together. A night when it was actually in his power to stop the nightmares.

Viggo reached out and gently stroked his hand down the back of Orlando's head and neck, to the border of the blanket, trying to soothe the nightmare away without waking his lover up. He was successful in so far as Orlando stayed asleep, but the frown remained etched onto his face and the hands tucked into the blankets remained tense. Viggo kept repeating the motion and also started softly whispering to Orlando, hoping that maybe the sound of a familiar and friendly voice might do the trick. He remembered nights years ago when he had soothed Henry back to sleep after the boy had come running in the night, awakened by a nightmare and afraid of going back to sleep.

Suddenly Orlando relaxed his firm grip on the blanket, kicked with his leg and started trashing to the other side. Taken unawares Viggo was not able to move back in time and so Orlando’s head impacted with Viggo’s arm rather abruptly.

“Ouch!” Orlando blinked sleepily into the night, sounding disoriented and vulnerable. “Vig?”

“Shh, Orli. I’m here.”

“You are!” Orli relaxed and smiled, shifting closer to Viggo and moving easily into an embrace – beloved, familiar. “What happened?”

“You were having a nightmare. I was trying to soothe you back to an easier sleep.”

“Oh? Did you try singing to me?”

Viggo chuckled. “I hadn’t quite reached that level of desperation, yet, when you turned over and woke up.”

Orlando leaned in for a tender kiss. “You know I love your singing, man. Nothing desperate about it.” He said softly when their lips had released each other.

Viggo smiled softly at him. “I know.” They shared another unhurried kiss, then Viggo leaned back, looking into Orlando’s eyes, studying them in the semi-darkness. “Can you tell me what your nightmare was about? Do you want to talk about it?”

Orlando rolled out of the embrace, lay down on his back and stared up at the ceiling. “Not really.”

Viggo stroked his fingers down the bare shoulder next to him, tracing patterns onto the soft skin. “You don’t know or you don’t want to talk about it?”

A sigh from Orlando and his head turned back towards Viggo, their eyes meeting again. “Don’t really want to talk about it. I think it was just the usual stuff … you know.” He shrugged, which dislocated Viggo’s fingers on his arm, making them slide down his arm and fall to the blanket. Viggo lifted up on his elbow, leaning over Orlando so he could study his face more closely.

“Mmhmm,” Viggo agreed and shifted even closer.

Orlando shivered slightly. The hand was back, this time drawing patterns on his chest, playing with the pendants resting there, stroking, tickling and caressing his skin. The shiver had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

“Let’s see,” Viggo’s voice whispered close to Orlando’s ear, while the hand kept tracing patterns and letters into Orlando’s skin. “Common causes for nightmares … spiders?” His hand started making creeping motions on Orlando’s chest, causing Orlando to smile and softly shake his head. “No? Well then, hmm … not knowing the answer in maths class?” The hand was tracing numbers on his skin, and Orlando had to smile at the earnestly questioning look on Viggo’s face. “Nope. Maths classes are long over … and anyway, I’ll have you know that I was quite good at those!” “You were, were you?” Viggo smiled down at him, returning Orli’s smile. He leaned down to kiss Orlando’s nose, shifting one leg so that it came to rest between Orlando’s, resting some of his weight along Orlando’s side. The increased skin contact made both men draw a deep breath. Orlando brought one of his hands up to play in Viggo’s hair. Viggo’s hand went back to softly stroking his chest.

They were silent for a little while, simply basking in their being together, before Viggo’s gravelly voice once again broke the silence: “So … no spiders, no maths class … hmm … I know!” He smiled a mischievous smile down at Orlando. “A strange man in the closet!” Orli chuckled and playfully swatted Viggo’s back with the hand not occupied playing with Viggo’s hair. “Seeing as I only came back home today and you’ve been here for a week, I do hope that there’s no stranger stowed away in a closet anywhere, Vig!”

“No stranger hidden anywhere, I promise! You know the only one I want is you.” Viggo’s amused voice assured him.

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you, too. So much.”

They shared another languid kiss, smiling at each other when it ended.

Then Orlando frowned, the smile fading from his face. “You know, it might not be strangers, but there are definitely people hiding in the closet here.” His free hand gestured between the two of them. “Namely … you and me.”

Viggo stopped stroking Orlando’s chest and turned serious, too. “I know.”

Orlando shifted restlessly and Viggo moved back.

“And I hate it, Viggo, I hate it!” Orlando said passionately, sitting up. “The hiding, the lying, not going anywhere together, sneaking around, always afraid of being caught … I want to be able to walk down a beach with you holding hands, or to a restaurant with you, or, hell, just go shopping to the store round the corner with you, without always having to be afraid of being seen together!”

While Orlando was talking Viggo had sat up to that they were now facing each other on the bed. “I know, love, I know. I want the same things. But you know why we are doing this.”

Orlando sighed defeatedly. “Yeah, I know,” he replied softly. “And there’s no use going through it all yet again. We’ve done that often enough. It’s just…” he gestured between them helplessly.

“… it doesn’t get any easier.” Viggo finished the sentence for him, softly.

“No, it doesn’t. On the contrary. Sneaking around and leading everyone a merry chase was fine for a year or so. Fun, even. But I’m sick of it. So sick of it.”

“Oh, Orli. I’m sorry.”

Orlando laughed bitterly, angrily. “Sorry? What the hell are you sorry for, Vig? We both know that we’re sneaking around and hiding for my benefit more than for yours. I am the one who should be sorry. And, hell –” he paused, sighing and loosing his anger. “– I am.” He reached for Viggo’s hand, holding it between the two of his, stroking the back of it. “I am sorry.”

Viggo squeezed Orlando's hand, keeping his silence. He had learned over time that it wasd best for Orlando to let him talk in times like this, but that didn’t make it any easier to now take him in his arms and wisper nonsensical assurances to him. At times like this he yearned for a world in which saying ‘shh, it’ll be all right, you’ll see’ actually worked. A world in which everything would actually be all right at some point in time, if only they wished it hard enough. A world in which you knew things would turn out all right. Where there was no other way for things to turn out but all right. Just knowing it would all turn out right in the end would be enough for him. For both of them. They’d be able to wait, if only they had that reassurance. However - wherever that world was, if it existed, it wasn’t this one. No automatic happy endings in this world. Unfortunately, they both knew that.

Orlando laughed again, shaking Viggo from his thoughts. This time there was more amusement than bitterness in Orli’s laugh though, Viggo was glad to hear.

“Listen to me, yeah? Here I go again, spoiling what time together we have. Dragging up old things we have discussed a hundred times already. If not more. I know we could decide to stop the pretence and decide to face the fire and go public, and I know we both aren’t ready to do that yet. We both love our work too much to do that. We're both too caught up in circumstances.”

He sighed, smiling at Viggo. Viggo raised the hand not held between Orlando’s and softly stroked his cheek. “I know.” He leaned in and they shared a kiss, then shifted on the bed until Orlando was sitting between Viggo’s legs, leaning against Viggo’s chest, with Viggo leaning against the headboard of the bed.

Viggo nuzzled Orlando’s hair with his nose. “All better now?”

He could hear Orlando's smile in the wry reply. “Yeah. Well, at least this time I got it out of my system the first night around. Don’t you ever grow tired of us having this conversation? Or rather, of hearing this monologue from me?”

“Nope. I love you just the way you are, insecurities and all.”

Orlando turned to look at Viggo, smiling. “And I love you.”

Viggo smiled and kissed him, then turned serious. “You know that this – hiding thing – isn’t forever, though. We will stop living in shadows, one day, and go out into the light, for all to see. We’ve agreed on that.”

“Yeah, I know. And knowing that is good."

“And you know we could do it right now, that we don’t have to go on hiding? We choose to keep this to ourselves. We’re not forced into it, not really. We could, you know. We can. Anytime. Whenever. If it really gets too much, you know we can stop it. Tell the press, walk down Broadway naked. Whatever. Together, we’d see it through. Consequences and all. You know we can face it together. Whenever we want to. Together we're strong enough for it.”

Orlando looked at Viggo’s earnest, determined face and felt himself fall in love all over again. “I know. I know we could and I know one day we will – well, maybe without the naked part, but – yes, I know.”

They sat in silence for a while, holding each other close, finally shifting so that they were lying down again, Orlando still held closely in Viggo’s arms, his head cradled on Viggo’s chest.

Viggo softly kissed his temple, running his fingers through Orlando’s hair. “Lets go back to sleep, love. Don’t let tomorrow's troubles and our time apart spoil the time we have together.”

Orlando turned his head and kissed Viggo, then snuggled in, finding a comfortable position. “Yes, let’s not. I love you.”

“And I love you. I love you.”

  
Viggo stayed awake for the rest of the night, holding the other man close, guarding his sleep.

THE END


End file.
